Testimony Regarding the Exodus Northeast Regional Conference, 2004

I cannot remember any one theme to write about. My experience was one of camaraderie and finding people with whom I have become akin -- brothers and sisters whom I was able to pray with and find Christ in. I would say I have found that it is an eager love of Christ that will prevail against the pains of same-sex attraction. There is hope in bringing all of who you were to the Cross knowing that God will reveal who you will become with the help of Jesus Christ.

After accepting Christ as my Savior I was faced with making a choice for either God and Jesus or Homosexuality and a same-sex lifestyle (with hopes of marriage and love). I went to the Bible for the truth. What I walked away with was a clear message that God would have me marry a woman and fall in love so that I may experience his original plans for having both of us experience his wholeness. The brokenness of same-sex attraction that occurs does so outside of genuine marriage. Sex and the sin of coupling affects even those men and women who have never slept with a person of the same sex yet are attracted and have fantasy-dreams about it. The malady that plagues the soul occurs in the mind and its pervasiveness attacks our definition of love. This makes it difficult for us to know God. God is love and not having the correct understanding of either makes salvation difficult to grasp/obtain. Meeting people who lived Gay/Homosexual lifestyles, and others who suffer from same-sex attraction showed me that I am not alone in my struggle. Those who have embraced Christ's teachings and God's Word helped me to accept my plight. I am no longer only sharing my battle with God. I have brothers and sisters (in Christ) who have overcome portions of this abominable change in God's original design. I have now seen victory in Christ!

At the conference many things were suggested and much of the spiritual journey was outlined by ministers and laypersons who have spent their lives fighting and praying to be relieved of the physical attractions and "sexualization" to the same gender. God has shown all of us the truth and is making it possible for us to return to his original design. Many of us are at different points in this suffering most find themselves in as God reasserts his will to enlighten us and send us to the cross with all of our troubles and sins. At the cross we find Jesus who shows us his journey and enables us to place our requests for healing there with our anger, frustration, fear, and shame. We take off the fig leaves that we have used to hide our shame and show ourselves. We come out of hiding behind our flesh and seek out the Holy Spirit of God. Through self-sacrifice, service, and open obedience to His will, we come to know freedom from want and discover that He will fulfill our needs. The child that was abused, the little person who is afraid, the man who cannot find his voice, and the woman whose femininity is shunned and damaged can now say "God, I need loving touches and hugs that do not harm." And "Jesus Christ, I need to find the truth of my childhood, so that I can forgive." Therein lie repentance and the ability to change. At the Cross, with Christ leading us through the Holy Spirit's discernment, we come to know God's will for our lives. So it was taught. I listened.

Hope was given in each testimony. Our ministry director was the female voice that shared the despair of a lifestyle of self-loathing and shame. She shared words that explained the brightness of her current smile, the closeness she shares with her beloved husband, and the hope that she bequeaths upon all who are willing to be honest with God and find others who will hold them accountable when old behaviors seem better than a life with Christ. She had removed the fig leaf and 'She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.' 'She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night' {Proverbs 31:17-18} Then she sang to us. I cried.

My emotions were constantly brought up to the front of my awareness. Right where I could feel them and share them with Christ. I shared the innermost parts of my understanding of Homosexuality and the lies of same-sex love with Christ and I was shown the truth and devastation I had lived and the hope of a life without "sexualization" and sin. I met great guys and my old self was held at bay by adherence to a Conduct Agreement. I felt it inside and even found myself looking outside to do so. Yet, by taking Christ into those places with me, I was able to become more aware of how I was objectifying my brothers. Now I am able to locate the way out that God provides when I am in the grip of temptation. I can do ALL things through Christ, which strengtheneth me. {Philippians 4:13} There is triumph through failure. I can be healed.

I plan to attend again next year, God willing.